Losing a child is unbearable. After losing a child you and your spouse are left alone to deal with those feelings, and who is to say that you both grieve the same way or even at the same time.
After our loss I spent the time immediately after grieving. I am certain that I cried a lot, and was quiet - almost mute. I know I was difficult to communicate with. But at the time my husband suppressed his grief stricken heart, to take care of mine. He focused on making sure that I got out of bed. That I saw the sunshine, that 1 glass of wine didn't turn into a bottle plus the tears that flowed afterwards. He allowed my tears to flow as they came and made sure I felt loved. He was generous with his time, spending hours just talking to me. Daily, he made sure to squeeze a smile out of me with his bear hugs. Together we cried, together we prayed and together we reminisced on the loves we had lost. While he was making sure I was healing I never stopped to realize he was in need of healing as well, he needed to mourn.
Months passed and almost a full year later, when I was beginning to live my life again and focusing on the new baby I was carrying, did he begin his grieving. He was finding it hard to move forward with loving a new child when he hadn't finished loving the other. At the time it was so difficult to understand how he loved the fact we were having a healthy beautiful baby, but couldn't fully express his joy.
I misunderstood this lack of joy in so many ways. Everything felt so personally offensive. I was witnessing his faith being tested all over again. His anger was outlandish. His achy body stemmed from his throbbing heart. It wasn't until very far down the road, when I was able to understand, it wasn't me or the new baby, it was the pain he was feeling from an exploding heart too full of love.
He was longing to pour his love on his children. But the love that built inside of him had no where to go. And I could not receive this love, it was only meant for 1 heart. Nothing he could do was releasing this love swelling in his heart. It was physically, mentally and spiritually breaking him down.
I married a man. I knew he would always put himself aside for his family; and in his time to mourn I would have to be patient, as he so tenderly was with me. So, I waited - not always in the most loving manner, but I was there.
Eventually our communication lines were open, and we were able to recall together the beauty of our marriage and of our children. It took effort. It took courage. It took so much patience and prayer, but most of all it took love. There are days (many) where we still mourn, but we are both commit to loving each other through those days.
In a marriage, you say before God, "For better or for worse". When you say those words, you may try to drum up some scenarios of terrible things that could happen, and how you would work through them - over drawing my check account, house burning down, being cheated on etc... But NEVER does anyone prepare a marriage for losing a child.
Love between a man and a woman is so special. I was handpicked to be his. He was handpicked to be mine. Together our love has created life and that life was blessed by God. We can often forget about these fundamental truths, and lose ourselves in our sorrow. It is easy to dwell on the pain and forget the beauty of how it all started and how it came to be.
But for better or for worse, I will be here loving him. I will be here to lean on, for no matter how long he needs me. - Thank you for loving me in my time of need.
For all mothers and fathers who have lost a child, you are in our prayers.
He was longing to pour his love on his children. But the love that built inside of him had no where to go. And I could not receive this love, it was only meant for 1 heart. Nothing he could do was releasing this love swelling in his heart. It was physically, mentally and spiritually breaking him down.
I married a man. I knew he would always put himself aside for his family; and in his time to mourn I would have to be patient, as he so tenderly was with me. So, I waited - not always in the most loving manner, but I was there.
Eventually our communication lines were open, and we were able to recall together the beauty of our marriage and of our children. It took effort. It took courage. It took so much patience and prayer, but most of all it took love. There are days (many) where we still mourn, but we are both commit to loving each other through those days.
In a marriage, you say before God, "For better or for worse". When you say those words, you may try to drum up some scenarios of terrible things that could happen, and how you would work through them - over drawing my check account, house burning down, being cheated on etc... But NEVER does anyone prepare a marriage for losing a child.
Love between a man and a woman is so special. I was handpicked to be his. He was handpicked to be mine. Together our love has created life and that life was blessed by God. We can often forget about these fundamental truths, and lose ourselves in our sorrow. It is easy to dwell on the pain and forget the beauty of how it all started and how it came to be.
But for better or for worse, I will be here loving him. I will be here to lean on, for no matter how long he needs me. - Thank you for loving me in my time of need.
For all mothers and fathers who have lost a child, you are in our prayers.
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With all our hearts,
